sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
