So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
