Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
