i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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