Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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