Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
