u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
