I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
