they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
