A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
