what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
