Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
