Define "chronic" masturbator.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
