Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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