his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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