Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
