I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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