Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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