I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
