I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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