Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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