I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Houston, we have a blender
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
