im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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