Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
