Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
