gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
