I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
