Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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