it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
