I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
