i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
