cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
