Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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