let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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