Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is my gift to your gina
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
