If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
