We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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