so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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