You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
