I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
