What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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