I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think my moral compass just broke
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
