Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
