We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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