can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
