I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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