yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
