sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
