I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My life is pants optional.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
