your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
