I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
