i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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