Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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