no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
