yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
