Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
