just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
