You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
