Kiss
Puke
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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