I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
