I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
