her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
