capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
