I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
