I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
