erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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