Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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