Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
