I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
